Asked: How do I best handle the inevitable Big Fight?
Ive been living with my roommate for two years at college. I moved out into a single for a three-month period (over the summer) and realized that I dont want to live with this person anymore.
At the start of freshman year, we were incredibly close, best friends. Then things began a steady decline over the next two years, finally hitting a low at the end of last year (we werent talking, just sitting in silence at our desks or on our beds) and now, living separately, we are hardly friends.
Heres the thing: she has serious anger issues. She is a bully, and she bullies in a joking, passive-aggressive manner (i.e. Id love to come over, if you, like, texted me once in a while). She is overwhelmingly negative. Im a generally positive person, and this imbalance has caused plenty of rifts between us. At the beginning of the first year, she was light-mannered and fun. But over the past two years, she just got more and more sour. She came downstairs tonight to borrow some of the plates weve been sharing and all she did was complain about her job and her life, for almost twenty minutes. I just sat on the bed and listened, because at this point, I dont know what to do. Its a huge issue and I just dont know how to address it without creating a huge blowout. I miss the fun person from first year. I feel like Im in a loveless marriage. When she left, I felt like she sucked all of the energy from me, a true energy vampire. I care about her and I have addressed her negativity at the times when it was offensive (the worst being racism against another culture).
The problem is that a week before we hit bottom, we signed on for another year together. We will be living in one room together, very small. We opted to do special housing so we could live one more year in the same building as we did last year, because it is the nicest dorm this college has to offer. I cannot get out of it.
I know I need to address her, in some way, of course. But I dont know how or when, or in what way. We know so very much about each other; theres so much ammunition. She is a very sensitive person, I have no doubt she will respond immediately in an extremely negative fashion. The main reason I havent initiated a serious conversation about this is because it will be so ugly. There are so many different directions it could take. I cant prepare myself for every what if. Theres so much I want to say but I dont know if its even appropriate.
This is the gist of what I want to say:
I care about her and weve been through a lot together.
But her negative attitude is hurtful, ignorant, offensive at times and just plain exhausting to be around.
I like it when were silly and joke around about light-hearted things, which we did and do (very rarely nowadays). Slowly those light-hearted jokes got replaced with the angry rants and sour attitude.
I dont know what to do. I just want to make it through the year and part amicably. The big talk will happen, and soon, I just want to make it as smooth as possible so it doesnt become a big hydrogen-bomb-sized fight. I would appreciate any help at all. Thank you so much.